ladies, when we "fall in love" with someone, i'll tell you what is actually happening. it has nothing to do with who the other person is. it's all about YOU. when you fall in love with that person, it's only a mirror reflecting all of the magical feelings that you hold inside of yourself. that man is just a vessel that refracts it and amplifies it to your senses. it feels lovely and you deserve it.
when that person leaves you, you shouldn't feel as if you have nothing left in your life. he didn't take anything from you! the only thing gone is that person, NOT that energy. you had it with you the whole time: before, during, and after the relationship. he never owned your heart and can't take it with him in any fashion. i promise.
never let a man change you or attack you in any way. there are loads of types of abuse. it's not limited to physical transgressions. don't let him raise his voice at you. if you tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and you're offended by it and he continues--this is a direct disrespect and attack. if you stay with him, this only says that he has more power in the relationship than you do and he will then go further to exert this "power" over you in different ways. you have basically given him the green light by wavering from your own values. don't let him make decisions for you. don't let him tell you that your desires or actions are wrong and threaten you with the end of the relationship. this is manipulative and a psychological attack. if you acquiesce to his manipulative and emotionally abusive demands, then you are being victimized and subconsciously give the man permission to further overpower you. and he's nothing less than a monster if he does so. he's an abusive criminal--NOT your boyfriend, not your friend at all.
never let a man offend or belittle you. if he says anything slightly contrary to you being completely worthy and deserving of his love, then you should question your position and eliminate him from your Universe. if he ever tells you that you're not good enough, that you're lazy, that you're not functional, that you're crazy, sad, stuck, wrong, etc--then he's ABUSING you and you need to leave that relationship. it doesn't matter if he breaks up with you, or you with him. you're never the loser. it's really a favor in your benefit that things are ended and ALL associated good feelings are erased.
and then LET him go. he might have a misguided and puffed up ego because he doesn't think that he lost anything. he didn't lose anything because he was broken and couldn't fully accept all of the wonderful love that you gave him. and with you gone, he has even more of a deficit. his ego is large to make up for the void that he has in his life that existed even before you were there. he doesn't even love himself. he'll go on to womanize and add notches to his belt for security and confirmation of his strength. young men are rarely secure and rarely know what to do with a good woman. that's why they date around. it just gets them around and gives them a false sense of security and status.
and YOU haven't lost anything. you were in abusive relationship and that man attacked you and made you a victim. he is a criminal and is lower than the dirt under your shoe, frankly. the love that you felt for him, he didn't deserve. ALL of those good feelings were inside of you the whole time, even before he slinked into your life. find YOURSELF and acknowledge that you still are whole. if you spent anytime with that "man," then you were actually whole enough for TWO people. date yourself and love yourself. you can't breakup with YOU. have the affair of a lifetime with yourself. when you have peace with this fact, then "letting go" takes no effort and you'll be thanking your ex everyday for leaving you before he wasted any more of your time, energy, and money for all of the cute dresses and makeup that you wore "for him."
don't miss him because he was nothing. he was just a vessel. let him go with a smile on your face! he made you a better person and left you with all of the goodness that you deserve to keep to yourself! he's not winning. he is lost, and sadly, he's probably okay with that. don't become lost yourself. go back to what's constant and true.
i let my ex yell at me when it made me uncomfortable. i told him to stop it, but he never did and used excuses. there is no excuse for offending me on purpose. on my birthday, he didn't take me to my favorite restaurant [Hooters] to eat because he didn't agree with the environment. he complained to me regularly about getting a job and pressured me to do so when i was already stressed out with so many other things. i was sick and in no condition to work. this meant that he didn't care about me enough. he cared about controlling what i did, instead. when i suggested that i take my old job back at Hooters, he threatened to break up with me. whenever i mentioned Hooters at all, he would hold it over my head and threaten me with the end of our relationship. that place is not bad. it has a good history in my life. i made good friends there. i honestly love the food. and i'm a feminist! i'm allowed to enjoy that place, but he manipulated me and controlled me in that way. i'm a fool for giving him power over my life. i never gave an ultimatum to him and his marijuana dependency! i never tried to change him.
when i'm battling depression [which runs in both sides of my family as a serious problem], he called me out of my name as crazy and nonfunctional. he said that my real, medical problems were just "pink elephants" in the room. he belittled my condition because he truly didn't care. when i would take antidepressants, he would call me an addict or a "meth head." i would use every bit of energy that i could from my medication just to stay awake and to be with him all night at his gigs every weekend. this made me tired and physically sick. i had bags under my eyes and even my family commented on how unwell i was. but i loved and supported my ex strongly. i never left his side. i would do things that harmed my health, well-being, and school performance just to keep up with him and to show my unwavering support. i got sicker and sicker. i was really in no shape to work.
when i took a job at the same place that his sister worked, i was still SO thankful for the opportunity. but my boss made me feel threatened. she disrespected me and even went so far as to push me several times and even snatched my hands out of her way. she would disrespect me and yell at me in public because she knew that i would never disrespect her. she dropped things on my head and didn't even apologize. one day it got to be so much, that i finally called JPD to write a report for simple assault against my boss. i didn't have her arrested only because i didn't feel like going to court when i could be studying for an exam. My ex told me that i was in the wrong for doing this--in the wrong for defending myself when i had been nothing less than a great worker. where was he to support me when i was being hurt? i was a victim and refused to acknowledge it and only judged me as wrong.
when i finally stopped following him around like a puppy to focus more on school, he said that i wasn't like the woman that he fell in love with. he broke up with me just months after proposing to me. he never loved me like a husband should love his wife. i loved myself and him AND all of his flaws [marijuana, history of jail and probation, heavy drinking, unsafe driving, yelling at me, emotionally abusing me, antagonizing me, etc]. he didn't love anything about me. he was and still is a monster as far as i care to know. ironically, two days after he left me, i finally had my last doctor's appointment [My ex never went with me to any and never cared how they went because he never cared about me] and i got the medicine and treatment i had needed for a while for my depression. My ex had been making it worse! i readily take that as a sign that he was NO GOOD in my life, as my family had been telling me for months!
so this break up hasn't broken me at all. if anything, my extended torment of staying with my ex was closer to breaking me. he was a monster and i'd rather be single for one hundred years than to be with someone who abuses me. the breakup is really a favor in my benefit. i don't miss him. i'm actually so sorry for letting myself become a victim to him. he was never worth any of time or energy i focused on him for that entire fifteen months. i was never supposed to be a part of his family. i never should have taken his ring. he is not "winning" and i have not "lost" anything. i promise.
don't ever become a victim to a man in any way. don't ever give someone power over you. only spend time with people who actually are worth it. don't feel lost during a breakup when it's really for your benefit. don't miss anything about that monster. you were a gift that he never deserved. he will forever be wrong. you've already won everything when he is gone. that wasn't love. and there's no need to be bitter. you were wronged, and being single saved you. you have come out on top of everything. your way is clear now for much better things!
ladies, never stop loving yourself. if you do this, then a breakup can never leave you broken. if you don't believe it, just look at me!
"When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better." Sorry for expecting you to actually be substantial enough to remain in my Universe! Now everyone knows that even the TV remote that I'm holding now is more important than he was.
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