better

i'm doing better since i've added a ticker to visually keep track of how long i've resisted contacting my ex. even when i lapsed and called and txted him, it had been an entire week since the last time that we spoke [which included be insisting that this didn't have to be the end of us]. pathetic. i've got to make up for the mistakes. it restarted yesterday. 1 day is behind me.
i'm all hyped up on ritalin and pain killers. i've got a chemistry exam tomorrow. i've taken this class before, but chemistry scares me and makes me weak. i can conquer chemistry, a breakup, depression, AND codependency all at once! i got my little bro to stop his annoying and scarily possessive friend to stop messaging me all day. he's going to say something to him tomorrow. i hope that my baby brother doesn't have to be in a position to defend my honor is andrew or one of his friends says something ill of me and the breakup. he is tough and protective. i like being able to lean on my little bros. like my other brother picked up my phone and cussed out an idiot guy  when he was harassing my phone. he even called later that night to check on me. my little bros are men. even my fallen daddy would kill for me. i've got to get stronger for MYSELF.

no contact. no problems. STUDYING! and a little facebooking for sanity and addiction's purposes. i've got codependency issues. God, help me kick the bad habbits. i bought some Camel light menthols on BOGO today and lied to mom about it. the car smells like smoke because i chain smoked in there today before my exam. the drugs make me do it. i've got to kick it. my ex made me crazy; he did me a favor a kicked me away. it hurt. progress hurts!

day 2 will be complete tonight. good job to me!